A Rant That Won’t Do Anything and a Bad Dream
This is the second time I’ve tried to type this. Unfortunately, when I tried to post the first time all of the text mysteriously disappeared. It seems like the internet is against me now, too.
Anyway, I had almost gotten to the point where I had accepted the fact that I had to leave on May 20th. Sure, I was still upset, but I saw it as a set thing and had finally accepted the reason that it would be inconvenient for the school here (although there is really no proof for that).
But then yesterday happened.
I was talking to Ricardo, another one of the exchange students at my school, and apparently he was told that he could stay at the school as long as he wanted to, even until graduation with his class. Simply because his exchange program/school in Mexico had said it was okay. Also, apparently he was told that if he didn’t like his current host family/they wouldn’t be able to host him long term the school would be glad to find him a new host.
So obviously it wouldn’t be an inconvenience to the school.
Obviously one, some, or many people are lying to me.
In fact, when the date had first been moved closer and I asked Murakami-sensei why he had said “Because Ruth said so.” Only recently has it become “It would be inconvenient.” Actually, now that I think about it, it would be a lot more inconvenint to have Ricardo stay, because his class is going to be going to New Zealand for one and a half weeks soon. Mine isn’t.
I want everyone to tell me the truth, or at least tell me why my day for coming back was moved earlier without any of this “it would be inconvenient” stuff. The cat’s already out of the bag people, so can you maybe try not lying to me?
Knowing that and thinking about a few other things, it’s obviously something/someone in the US that’s keeping me from staying. Way to make me not want to come back more.
So, after that horrible revelation, I went home. Then when I went to sleep, I had a bad dream. Probably caused by the fact that I was still upset about what I talked about above. (My host family and I had gone out for dinner and had a great time, but it still didn’t make me forget about it.)
Basically, it was the day for me to leave. Maebashi station, the train station closest to my house, had for some reason also turned into an international airport. So I rode my bike the 40 minutes there like I would on any normal school day. All my suitcases were already there, so it wasn’t a problem.
I had been sitting and waiting in the area just outisde the ramp to get on the planes when I realized I had forgotten something important (I don’t remember what). So I left the ‘airport’ (there wasn’t any security other than what there already is at the station) and headed outside.
Once I was outside I got a call on my phone. It was from Dani.
“Hey, Shelbs! Me, my mom and my dad are going to make it so you can stay in Japan!”
“But my flight is today…”
“Doesn’t matter! Get over here! We’re just around the corner!”
And she hung up the phone.
I started walking towards the main road, but I got another phone call. This time it was my grandma.
“Hey Sweetie, I’m waiting around the corner. Let’s go explore Japan!”
And the phone was hung up before I could even say anything.
This time I jogged out towards the main street, passing by most of my friends here in Japan, including the guy I like, though none of them even bothered to notice me or say anything.
When I got to the main street both of the cars I was looking for were on either side of me, a bit far away. While trying to decide which car I wanted to go to, or which I should go to, both started driving off in the opposite directions. I started panicking, but my grandma’s car was going a bit slower than Dani’s family’s car.
I started running after it, “Hey, wait! Stop! Please!”. Though eventually I lost sight of it.
When all of that ended I looked at a clock and it was almost time for my flight. But I took my time heading back to the ‘airport’, walking in just as my flight left. It seemed like just when I was walking up to the gate the guy at the desk next to the door to the ramp noticed I hadn’t gotten on, looking at me, down to my carry-on which I had left there, and then back at me.
He got mad, and came over and started lecturing me. I tried explaining how I had gone to get something I had forgotten, and then what had happened. He just got more angry, pulling back his hand to slap me. Right when his hand would have hit my face I woke up.
I think I’m going to look up dream analysis online.
April 29, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Shelbi, Wow, you really need to be grateful for the opportunity to spend a year abroad! I have been following your blog and have seen what a wonderful experiences you have had. Both your host and home families have gone to a great deal of trouble and expense to give you this opportunity. You need to share with them how much you appreciate all they have done, and sacrificed for you instead of whining about people “lying” to you. You have family and friends who want to see you again. Come home and face your own life! You only have 2 years of school left, then you are off to college.
April 30, 2009 at 8:17 am
Shelbi, if you stayed in Japan, you would need to make up all the schooling in highschool, or get your GED. I am pretty sure that is what I overhear from lots of people talking about your schooling. Anyway, no one is trying to “Make you stay…” You are just a bit paranoid about it since you love Japan. I miss you Shelbi, and so does everybody else that knows you. Just think about other people before yourself about this, sometimes you need to make sacrifices for people you love. And if you decide to be pissed about this, then you proved that you care about yourself more than your friends, family, and future. It would actually be better for school if you came back with a good attitude. Then maybe you could realize that if you make a good life for yourself, you could go to Japan or anywhere else in the world. You are thinking too much about now and not enough about your future.
-Sorry about my own little rant x3
Shale
April 30, 2009 at 8:19 am
Sounds like paranoid schizophrenia to me.
April 30, 2009 at 7:30 pm
Personally, I think you’re all a bit selfish for asking Shelbi to fly back to America like that. You keep telling her to think about everyone else, but none of you are thinking about what’s best for her, are you?
Just because she wants to stay the amount of time she was promised — and the amount you guys paid for — doesn’t make HER selfish at all.
And who’s to say she isn’t going to make her life better by staying in Japan? You’re automatically assuming America is best for her, and maybe it isn’t. I doubt any of you have actually talked to her about it — and I mean in a way that doesn’t involve forcing your opinions onto her.
Shelbi may or may not be a little paranoid — but it is definitely not paranoid schizophrenia. She lacks the systems necessary that meet the DSM’s criteria.
I find it insulting that none of you are being supportive at all. It’s like you’re all trying to guilt trip her into think she’s wrong, and she isn’t.
If you force her to stay in America, it’s only going to make her want to return to Japan even more. She may go to college there — and she may never come back. That’s HER decision. Nobody but her has the right to make it.
Let her grow up the way she wants to. I’ve seen what being in Japan has done to her, and it makes her so happy. I’m not going to sit back and let that happiness be taken away from her so easily.
May 1, 2009 at 6:02 am
raserei hojo, you obviously dont understand the situation. This exchange was given to her by her school in the US. The school says she has to come back. No one else has a choice in the matter. This is not some conspiracy. There is not a choice.
May 1, 2009 at 6:18 am
Mrs. Morris, I do understand the situation. I’ve known about it in great detail before she even got to Japan, so please do not tell me what I do and do not understand. Shelbi is my friend and as such, it is my pleasure and responsibility to stand up for her and rights.
Shelbi’s school is refusing to give a valid reason as to why she must return at a date other than what was specified beforehand. It most certainly isn’t causing Shelbi to be making things more difficult for the school — other students were offered an opportunity to stay in Japan longer.
Shelbi would not be inconveniencing the school; offering other students a chance to stay longer is proof enough that they are very open to the idea.
By changing the date of Shelbi’s return to America, they are breaking the contract – verbal, written, whatever, I’m sure there was some form of agreement beforehand.
Unless they can offer a valid reason as to why she must return early I will continue to believe that Shelbi’s school district is simply being prejudiced.
May 1, 2009 at 6:23 am
What would happen if you went on a trip with your school in Japan to another country and when your school said your trip was over you ranted and raved and blamed everyone for making you go home? Would that be considered acceptable? Would they just say oh okay you don’t have to come home. Just stay in New Zealand or the US or wherever. And Oh, Sure, the school will just pay for it and arrange host families for you for the next 2 years until you graduate high school. When Shelbi has the means, she can go wherever she wants and do whatever she wants. But if she ever wants to have the means, she will have to finish school.
May 1, 2009 at 6:42 am
See, your philosophy doesn’t quite work. You’re only applying it to your daughter. If it were you and your contract were broken, you would be upset. I’m sure you would do something about it, too, if it were just you. Humans are selfish like that.
I would hardly call Shelbi’s complaints “ranting and raving.” You seem to be missing the point that you paid for a certain amount of time. Wouldn’t you complain if your next pay check was only a fraction of what it was supposed to be? Yes, you would.
As for your idea about her finishing school in America, that is rather illogical. It’s apparent to me that she wants to stay in Japan, live there, work there and maybe have a family there. Isn’t it a little silly to make her finish her education in a place she is no longer interested in living?
Shelbi is a talented and brilliant person. You may not see it, but I sure do. If she does end up being dragged back to America, I’m positive she’ll find a way back to Japan someday soon.
Even if she doesn’t have the means now, she’ll get them soon enough. I’ll be cheering for her and supporting her any way I can, too.
May 1, 2009 at 6:50 am
raserei hojo-Wherever you are from, they must have different “rights” than we have here in the US. American citizens have the right to pursue happiness. We don’t have the right to a free ride. Our country and our school system are by no means obligated to facilitate our pursuit of happiness by any means necessary. They provide a vehicle for us to earn our happiness if we work hard and do things correctly. They owe us nothing. And we owe a great deal of appreciation for the opportunity that has been provided and to the hard working people who have made it possible. You are way off base about what is considered a “right” in this country.
May 1, 2009 at 6:57 am
I’m from America and I know how the legal and school system works. A good portion of the ride is free, you realize; public schools, for example. Paid by taxes, but generally free to attend.
Shelbi puts forth plenty of effort and is not attempting to get a free ride of anything. You’re doing a fine job of restricting her so she can’t pursue happiness, though, so congratulations!
You keep avoiding the fact that you paid for her to stay a certain amount of time. Am I to believe you don’t care you were cheated out of your money? Or is there another reason you’re avoiding that topic.
May 1, 2009 at 7:20 am
No, there was no contract. We did not pay for a specific amount of time. I don’t have a say in when she comes back. It is the schools decision. When I asked about why she was coming back sooner than we had thought, I got no response other than that it was time. What makes you think that everybody gets to do anything they want to do at the time and expense of others? Sounds like you need a reality check. It certainly doesn’t help the case of Shelbi or anyone who may want to go on exchange in the future,when you insult the people ans system who made it all possible and gave her the opportunity in the first place.
May 1, 2009 at 7:27 am
Oral agreements count as contracts, Madam. Surely you did not send your daughter off to Japan without knowing when she’d be back.
You seem to think I am a moron and that you’re more intelligent than I am. Frankly, repeating the same thing over and over does not make you smarter.
We already went over the “time and expense” of others. Shelbi would not be inconveniencing the school — the school has no problem with letting other people stay longer.
Perhaps it is you that needs to re-educate yourself on the rules of society. In my opinion, you are acting like an immature hypocrite. You accuse your daughter of blaming other people for making her come home early (when, gasp, it is indeed their fault) while you yourself refuse to accept responsibility.
You really aren’t making an effort to keep your daughter happy. It seems to me that what you want is to get her back here and tie her down with metaphorical chains. Dangling happiness in front of her and snatching it away is just as bad as allowing her a taste of happiness and snuffing it out.
May 1, 2009 at 7:46 am
Wow. Okay, at first I thought you were just misinformed. Now I know that there is truly something wrong with you. And no we did not have a date for her return when she left.The rest of that was just too weird for response. Again, you are not helping her.
May 1, 2009 at 10:07 am
Your blatant disrespect for others is evident that you have maturity issues.
I’ll withdraw from the debate because I feel like I’m arguing with a spoiled four-year-old.
You don’t have the right to tell me whether or not I can help her. Even if you tell me I can’t fork over enough money to get her back to Japan, you certainly can’t say that in two years when she’s eighteen and you no longer have control over any aspect of her life.
May 1, 2009 at 10:49 am
It doesn’t appear that we are having the same conversation.
May 1, 2009 at 10:53 am
Yeah, um. Raserei. I have seen you talk to Shelbi for a while, since two or three years ago actually. I have never personally liked you, and why the hell are you talking about MY MOTHER that way. SHELBI’S AND MY MOTHER! She techniqually owns her until she is eighteen. She has 75% or more say in Shelbi’s life until then. I may not have agreed with what my mother said at first, but now Shelbi is going overboard. You don’t even know Shelbi in real life, and she may have informed you differently than actually has happened. Yes, Shelbi is a brilliant, gifted, and special child. She HAS proved that, but her grades have been SHIT (pardon my language) through her entire school career. Being smart will not get you everywhere, especially when you ask for a free pass on assignments every time they are given.
Another thing: *cough* I am her brother, and I have known my sister since I was born (thirteen years ago) obviously, so I think I know her better than you, aheh. So, if you think you know better than my mother and I, you are wrong.
Back to the mother thing…
YOU THINK MY MOTHER IS LIKE THE PERSON YOU THINK SHE IS? SHE IS A HARD-WORKING, DEDICATED, SINGLE MOTHER OF TWO TEENS. THIS RESESSION DOESN’T HELP. ONE OF THEM HAS BEEN IN JAPAN FOR 10 MONTHS! I THINK SHE IS A WAY BETTER PERSON THAN YOU COULD EVER BE. I would appreciate if you and your bitchy attitude would step off. Aheh, thanks.
PS: Don’t mention “Capitols are not the cruise control for cool” I am enphasizing mostly, so don’t even mention it.
May 6, 2009 at 7:27 am
All of you need to calm the fuck down.
May 15, 2009 at 8:33 am
You sound like a thoughtful person and a good friend to Shelbi. I know Shelbi would love to stay in Japan, and in some ways I don’t blame her. But aside from what the school has decided, money is really a pretty big issue. None of us have the money to keep her in Japan longer. In addition, she’s going to need a “full ride” scholarship to attend college, and it’s likely that she’ll need to have graduated from an American high school to have a chance at that very necessary scholarship.
I’m glad you’re so supportive of Shelbi, but there are a lot of factors at work here that we’re really not in control of. At some level I think Shelbi recognizes that, but I know she’s torn in several directions over this. I would be too. I do hope she gets to go back to Japan again and to live there if she chooses, even though I, as her Grandma, will miss her terribly. I’m tremendously sorry for the pain Shelbi is going through over this parting, but at the same time, on the outside I’m smiling from ear to ear, and inside I’m dancing for joy at the image of holding her in my arms again and hugging her tight.
As you know, I’m sure, sometimes life hands us these very difficult moments, and although they hurt tremendously at the time, in the end you don’t die from them and in the long run you’re left with the wonderful, cherished memories of that time in your life. I know, because by my age there have been several such difficult moments. The memories of the difficulties eventually vanish and the cherished memories remain. May you also have a life that offers you wonderful, cherished memories. Margie (Shelbi’s Grandma)
May 17, 2009 at 10:39 am
Margie –
You are a very wise woman! Shelbi is lucky to have you.
Shelbi –
Have a safe trip home. You will long cherish the memories of your time in Japan. Drop in on Cultured Shocked occasionally after you get home to update people on your readjustment to life in the USA.